10 Things I Learned From My Failed ‘Almost-Relationship’

By Mihran Kalaydjian, CHA

Consultant, Strategist, and Writer



It’s been almost five months since I stopped seeing this guy. And honestly, I think I broke his heart all too well to the point that we rarely talk to each other, except maybe for school-related stuff. After “The Talk”, we both agreed to have a civil, strictly RLE-mates relationship, nothing more and nothing less. But if there’s something good brought about by what happened, it’s the fact that I learned a couple of things from what was then:

1. Don’t say ‘yes’ to coffee.

 

Coffee, on its own, may seem harmless. ‘It’s just coffee,’ they said. ‘It’ll be fine,’ they said. But the truth is, coffee is a detrimental poison that will lead you to a series of unfortunate events. It is definitely more than just a beverage they serve with your name written on its fancy cups. Along with coffee comes the obligation to engage in The Talk. And trust me; you do not want to get yourself into that.

 

2. There should be a rationale for everything.

 

You can’t just simply say, “I like you.” or “Let’s stop seeing each other.” There will always be the dreaded question following these statements: WHY? And when that time comes, you have to be ready with an answer. Coming up with a response will be hard, but they don’t always have to make sense half the time. More often than not, what you say may even raise more questions than provide answers. It’s confusing, really.

 

3. Second chances are not for everyone.

 

Contrary to the belief that “Everyone deserves a second chance”, I, for one, am not amenable to this statement, at least not in the relationship sense. Second chances are windows in which one or both parties involved will get hurt. There is a sensible reason why the first one didn’t work out. Maybe you should take this as a sign, because chances are, the second one will just be another mistake. Don’t push it.

 

4. Once you go black, you can never go back.

 

One important thing I learned about this almost-relationship is that there is no such thing as in-between. It’s either you are together or you’re not. In my case, I wasn’t sure about myself, that’s why we got stuck in this gaping void between being a couple and being just friends. And once you’re not sure, the only way out is to end it. Lesson learned: Be sure of what you’re getting yourself into before making any rash decisions.

 

5. Love cannot thrive where there is no trust.

 

A wise man once said, “You can trust someone you don’t love, but you can’t love someone you don’t trust.” Love and Trust go hand in hand, and without the other, a relationship can simply not prosper.

 

6. S P A C E is necessary.

 

For you, heaven is where the two of you are always together. But didn’t you ever think about the fact that your “heaven” may be the other person’s “hell?” I’m not saying that it’s hell for the other person whenever she’s with you. I’m just saying that too much togetherness is a (really) bad thing. Instead of sweet, you may already come across as being needy or clingy, and no one ever wants that. I think that’s why there is “earth” in between heaven and hell, so as to strike a balance between the two. And wouldn’t it be nice if at the end of the day, you both have different stories to share? Unlike if you two are always ALWAYS together, “You know what, this morning, I ran into this girl…” “Yeah, I know. I was there.” See? Dead

convo right there.

 

7. Know the difference between like and love.

 

Love and Like are waaay too different to even compare. But most of the time, people get them confused. Maybe you like someone because of their physical attributes, or how they act, or maybe even how they make you feel. But when you love someone, you look past their imperfections and idiosyncrasies and you see them as the perfect person that they are. When two people are in different levels of attraction, this will stir up a problem. And most of the time, the person who loves more is the one who’s gonna get badly hurt.

 

8. Tweeting is the prime media for ruining relationships.

 

Just a little advice: Do not tweet your feelings to the world, especially if the other person is following you. Whether you’re mad or hurting or maybe just a little disappointed, going on rant-a-thons with your thoughts will only result to greater problems. Chances are, you may think he/she is offline, but he/she is just there – reading, scrolling, judging.

 

9. Sorry doesn’t make-up for everything.

 

After all has been said and done, you can never undo the fact that someone has already been hurt. Saying sorry doesn’t make the pain go away. Sure, it may offer a little consolation for the fact that you have toyed with his feelings because you weren’t sure of your own, but it clearly isn’t enough.

 

10. Dating friends never works out.

 

And of course, it all boils down to this. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: dating a person in your circle of friends never works out. While you may think that it’s the perfect set-up because you already know each other, you talk often, it will not be awkward coz he/she is your friend and all, you will understand what I mean once you’ve tried dating one. The thing is, once you start going out with a friend, you also risk your friendship. If it doesn’t work out, you lose a potential partner. Do you really want to lose your friend too?